Sunday, May 8, 2011

Actually, the one about the stripper union was pretty good...

A few weeks ago, I decided that I had been watching far to much crap on Netflix. This is a very, very easy thing to do since Netflix rivals a sewage treatment plant in the amount of crap available. Want to watch the entire 6th season of Dr. 90210? "Sure!", says Netflix. Every British sketch comedy ever made sound like a fun weekend? "Well I sure hope so, cause it's all just so funny that the total lack of productivity won't bother you", it chimes in. I also may have watched roughly 20 hours of the original Addams family, a reality show about the Philadelphia Parking Authority, and a season of that decorating show starring the guy from Queer Eye.

I know the sane thing would have been to think that maybe I should stop watching so much dang Netflix, period. But I didn't really see that happening. Besides, if I did that when would I get in my recommended daily 3-4 hours of Bonus cuddle time? No, instead I would just use my addiction to teach me things. I would watch documentaries.

It started off well enough. I watched Freakonomics and a touching film about gay marriage. I even think there was value in the one about the MPAA. But, as it turns out, even documentaries can be trash.

So far I have "learned" about:

-why fast food makes you fat
-why fast food doesn't make you fat
-how to organize a stripper union
-how to run an S&M club in NYC
-really, how not to start an organic farm, unless you are very lucky and don't mind having all your neighbors think you run a cult
-how to live without toilet paper for a year and in the process really piss off your wife by refusing to have a second child
-how to brainwash a ton of kids and then brag about it on local radio
-how to shoot a film that makes me absolutely despise what is probably a perfectly lovely family in California, who happen to have an infant

I think I need an intervention.

...but not before I watch the one about the parking lot in Charlottesville, VA. I've really been looking forward to that one.

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