Thursday, June 3, 2010

You bleeding? Yeah, you're bleeding...

I am a huge klutz. When I was 7 I broke my wrist from falling off my plastic Playskool chair while doing step aerobics. (There is, by the way, more frustrating to a 7 year old than breaking your non-dominant wrist. All the annoyance of not being able to do fun reckless stuff; none of the benefit of not having to write at school.) When I was 14 I broke my ankle while on a hike. This initially sounds pretty reasonable, but wait for it. I didn't break it on the actual hike itself, with its trails and rock climbing, no. I broke it on the walk back to the car by stepping awkwardly off the edge of the asphalt walkway. There is a chunk of my knee missing from when I tripped over The Ex's roommate's pants while getting up to go to the bathroom and fell on the edge of an open dresser drawer. I've had more unknown bruises and cuts than I can even begin to quantify. If there were a certification for klutziness yours truly would be their first recipient.

Lately, it hasn't been so bad though. i had been managing to stay on my feet and not walk into any furniture or drop anything...that is until about a week ago.

Friday night I was out at the local convenience store/deli/bar (yeah, wrap your mind around that one) and I stepped out onto the artful dodging of the NC smoking laws patio. Fun fact: When you go through a door, keep moving or someone is gonna open that sucker up into the back of your heal. But I wasn't too concerned at the time since i was half in the bag and paying attention to the voodoo curse removal that I was returning to watch. The next morning may have involved the phrase, "Hey I had no idea I was bleeding this much!"

I should have taken this as an omen of things to come. I should have but I didn't/

Tuesday, I decided that I was a lovely day to go out and ride my bike around the neighborhood. See, my parents neighborhood full of is rather large hills, so I could never really ride my bike to my friends houses. As such, I didn't learn how to decently ride a bike until my college roommate taught me. You know when people say something is "just like riding a bike"...I was the idiot that didn't apply to.

So, I'm out and about when suddenly I hear barking...a lot of barking.

I look to my right and there is a large, black dog coming at me. I had two options: 1)speed up and almost definitely cause myself severe harm or 2) hope that if I got up on the other curb he would stop chasing me and maybe I would escape unscathed.

The funny thing about 2 is that it does not take into account the likely possibility that you will fall off the bike while trying to ditch it to aid in your distancing.

That's right my friends...My klutzy ass fell off my bike and cut up my knee because I was being chased by a dog that got through the electric fence.

...I think this means that I am officially 12.


  1. But a very MATURE 12.


  2. OMG! I am the biggest clutz as well. My family from the time I was a little girl said I should live in a bubble.