I wasn’t going to write about this.
It seemed fairly silly and insignificant at the time. Just something said to irritate me. But then I read this empowering post from Sarah Von and it started to eat at me again.
The other day I was sitting at the table with Dahling, eating lunch and chatting. She mentioned something about people who are bad parents. My response, which is an opinion I know I have made public before, was that I wish more people who are really not cut out to be parents would be able to admit that, both to themselves and to everyone else, and then go ahead and not have children.
Not everyone is a natural mother or father. Just like not everyone is an artist or a teacher. Being a parent uses a certain skill set. Some people are not particularly strong on that skill set.
I am not particularly strong on that skill set.
I said to Dahling, what I have said to other people, what I will say to you now. I am too selfish to be a parent.
Her response: “Well, change!”
And that really got my goat. Will I probably change, maybe as my life settles, maybe as I get older…yes. But why should it be expected that I want to change who I am so I can fulfill a role that I’m not looking to play?
“There are plenty of perfectly happy adults who never have children”, I responded, trying to keep the discussion levelheaded. “Are you telling me you don’t know anyone who never had children who is happy?”
It spiraled into a bad place from there.
Someday, maybe I will want kids enough to develop the skill set they deserve a parent to have. But if I never feel that way I am okay with that.
…either way, I will allow myself to be happy.