But then, on the way to work this morning, something was shaken loose (just like your mother, Trebek) and so in the true spirit of Better Late Than Never, I present without further ado, TMI Thursday.
As LiLu always says:
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
In this great tradition, I present you with a story you probably never wanted to hear. If you really need to continue to have a good impression of me, are related to me in any way, or are easily skeeved out I suggest you go else where now...like right now...inmediatamente!***
There is a wonderful bar in NYC called Down the Hatch. On Saturdays, this wonderful bar has an even more wonderful special where, for the pittance of $21 plus bartender tips, you essentially drink all the terrible beer and eat all the hot wings that
Now, drinking beer and eating chicken is fun but since you are pretty much parked there for 5 hours you will need ways to keep yourself occupied…namely, drinking games.
I believe I’ve told y’all before that my most favorite of drinking games is Kings…and as “luck” would have it, that is what we happened to be playing at the time. If you are familiar with the game you will know that many peoples’ rules involve some version of Never Have I Ever (in which you say something you have never done and anyone who has takes a drink, for those of you not familiar…for shame).
Playing are myself, The Gentleman, my Scorpio friend, and three other dudes with whom I was at the time fairly unfamiliar.
(At this point I would like to stress exactly how important it is that you leave if you want to respect me. Please.)
Someone, though the beer haze makes it difficult to remember who, draws the card that signals NHIE and says the following:
“Never have I ever done it in the ass.”
Shit. (Quite literally)
Unfortunately, I must admit that I have been young and eager to spice things up, and may or may not (but based on the story you can pretty much tell which) have consented to such things. And now I have a calculation to make. I can a) lie, leave my beer on the table and go on about my happy business or b) fess up, hope I am not the only one at the table and be true to my own conviction that it important to be honest about ones sex life.
Now, my Scorpio friend has a reputation for enjoying the company of the ladies. He once slept with an entire sorority house (or so the story goes). I joke that he will eventually have to switch teams since there are only 3.5 billion women on the planet. Somewhere along the line he must have, right? There is no way you bump that many uglies and don’t occasionally sneak in the back door. No. Way.
So I breathed deep picked up my beer and drank deep.
And I looked across the table at my Scorpio friend, hoping for a cheers of mutual shame…and his beer is still on the mother-fucking table.
And then I looked at the 4 other guys at the table…and their beers were ALL still on the table.
And then I tried to melt into the bench.
…honesty, not always so much the best policy.