Wednesday, December 16, 2009

It's a friggin' (extremely long-winded) christmas miracle...

Okay, okay, okay...

So I was laying in bed (because I have off on Wednesday) trying to figure out why I had been having a dream about being forced to participate in some kind of anti-animal cruelty experiment that involved sleeping on poorly supported mattresses at band camp (yes I HAVE been to band I a not a flutist) and also willing the headache I had to go the hell away.

Inside my achy brain, there is a little voice, "You should check Twitter, its been almost 12 hours, soon the stored up tweets will overflow the 200 tweet reserve of your phone program and you will MISS SOMETHING!"

My internet conscience.

"But I don't want to. My head hurts and I have presents to buy and cookies to make." (Yes I talk back to the voice in my head. Deal with it.)

It responded exactly as I anticipated, "BITCH, GET YOUR WHINY ASS UP AND CHECK TWITTER." So I did.

And I'm reading all about what is up, top whosywhatsits of the decade, chuckles to be passed on, work frustrations being aired, new posts to be read...and then I come across a tweet from That Kind of Girl saying that she has posted the winner of her totally awesome giveaway, which I happen to have entered.

"I never win these things...but maybe I should just check...yeah..."

And then HOLY CATS! I WON!

After I finished doing my happy dance (which, hello, awkward white girl in pjs...not pretty) I realized that I had a decision to make. You see, the prize for the TKoG giveaway was a choice of three things: a P.G. Wodehouse novel, something from Lush or something from Good Vibrations. Winner picks...I pick...oh, dear.

I got a very charming email from TKoG clarifying my choices a bit:

Wodehouse novel (if you choose this, then: what Wodehouse have you already read or own? don't want to duplicate anything.)


Lush goodies (if you choose this, then: which scents do you prefer (fruity, floral, toffee/chocolate/vanilla/dessert-mania, citrus, spice...)?; do you have a bathtub slash take baths?; if not, would you prefer soap or a massage bar? if massage bar: funtimes massage for two, or actually physically therapeutic massage?)


Good Vibrations toy! (if you choose this, then: would you prefer something appropriate for solo play or geared toward couples?)

So to make a long story short (Too Late!) here is why I chose what I chose:

Option 1: I love a good book as much as the next girl. I love good books right from the very bottom of my toes up to the unkempt hairs on my head, but I own a lot of books I have been too busy to read. Also, I am a huge proponent of using your local public library, and mine has a veritable feast of Wodehouse. So I will take it as a personal quest that I must go to the WPL, get some Wodehouse, read it, and come back here to report how much I love it!

Option 2: Okay, so me...I'm a low maintenance kind of girl...according to someone, whose name may or may not have the initials I and J, perhaps a bit TOO low maintenance. I would rather sleep longer and just hop in the shower before work than get up an hour early and get all makeup, lotion, fancified out. So, chances are, even if I had some really kickass bath jazz, I wouldn't use it.

Then I pondered the option of, as TKoG put it, "funtimes for two" and I came to a realization...most of the dudes I have my funtimes with are really hairy fellows. You know what does not mix well with body hair...massage gel/oil/lather.

Its like greasing up a bear.

And on that charming visual I moved on to Option 3.

Option 3: So here we are looking at solo vs. fun times for everyone (in which "everyone" is defined as 2 folks). Well, I have my solo equipment department covered, in a story I have actually been looking to make a TMI Thursday post but have failed. It pretty much boils down to the fact that my ex-best friend (who is a dude) got me trashed on cognac and OJ, then gave me a vibrator for my birthday. Oh the (fuzzy) memories.

So that leaves "fun for everyone".

Now I don't really have an "everyone" right now, but as I said in my selection email...I am an optimist! So on that optimism I will say, "Someday, I will have an "everyone" and damn it...we will have fun!"

Also, this win was quite a stroke of good luck. Anyone who has ever asked me what I attribute all the good luck I have to, has received the same answer. You see, I, like many a lapsed Catholic, wear a cross necklace, and the only time I take it off is when I shower...the ONLY TIME. Jesus loves me because I give Jesus a good show. So this really, this fun for everyone choice is just an investment in good luck in the future...and thats just smart investing.

So thanks again to That Kind of Girl, and I'm sorry for anyone who had something better to do with the 4 hours they spent reading this.

...and seriously, did you think I was not gonna choose the sex's like you don't even know me.


  1. I love how well-reasoned this is! Although I must admit, most of the fellows with whom I share sexyfuntimes are uber-hairy (or worse!) too, but somehow I find the will to carry on with all requisite rubbing/lubing/Lush-ing. Then again, this might say more for my penchant for grotesqueness than it does for the sanity of rubbing massage oil on a wolfman.

  2. Congrats. I'm super jealous, I've been in dire need of a new sex toy!!

  3. Congrats. Although I am kind of jealous!

    Kate xx

  4. @ThatKindofGirl: A greasy wolffan is a happy wolfman!

    @CarissaJaded: Thanks, maybe Santa will bring you one? Naughty Santa.

    @Kate: Thanks. If I could share I would..but, no actually I wouldn't cause that would be sketchy as hell!