Wednesday, November 25, 2009

What color wrapping paper goes best with a big old box full of crazy?...

So I may or may not have broken my (relatively) long standing hatred with the idiot box today to watch an NCIS marathon. Yes, I am a little ashamed, but you know what? Mark Harmon is kickass and I want to go have a Big Gulp with Abby, so whatever.

One of the things that I have been lucky enough to avoid by watching my few shows that I keep up with on Hulu is the time sensitive commercials. Hulu will give you three or four 15 second commercials during a show but they are generally fairly innocuous. Holy crap, I appear to have forgotten how ridiculous commercials can be. But today's commercials have a very special kind of crazy about them. That's right, since tomorrow Thanksgiving, today was National Advertise the Shit Out of your Black Friday Sales Day.

Now, as I have said before, I am a cheap, cheap bitch, so I'm all for a sale. And a completely insane, practically giving stuff away sale...oh dear, I may need to change my pants. But there is no way on God' green Earth that I am getting my ass up to be at Sears at 4 am. (I'm not even that fond of being at Sears at reasonable hours though.)

If we were supposed to wake up at 4am there would be a day...any day at all...during the year when the sun was up at that time. But there is not. And do you know why that is?

Because that is insane!

I have seen 4am from the other end of the night many a time in my life, but there is no sweater, DVD player, popular toy, computer, coat or riding lawn mower that is worth waiting in a line with a bunch of rabid soccer moms in the wee hours. Especially, not on the morning after a holiday that is specifically designed to make you sleepy, what with the tryptophan and all.

Tell you what?

Y'all can have your $10 microwave, just be sure to put the Asylum's return address on the package when you ship your gifts out. The USPS ain't joking around about that shit.

...oh, and Amazon MP3 store, stop trying to make me broke with your Black Friday deals. It's not nice.

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