Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Take a letter, maria, address it to my stomach...

Remember how I told y'all that Indie Jake was a hotshot for a national sandwichery (and seriously how could you forget the word sandwichery? Not possible). Well part of the official duties of Sandwichery Hotshots (which is clearly the official possition title) is that after you visit a store you have to write them a very constructive letter informing them of 3 ways they can improve.

As you can imagine this gets kinda dull after month after month after month. So I occasionally offer to help out.

Dear Folks at the Place, Larger Place store,

You are not very good at simple things are you? First off, we have meat weight standards for a reason. They are to ensure both a superior sammich and a profit margin. The alligator should not know whether to eat the actual meat weight or the standard weight...because they should be the same.

Secondly, you do not close at 10 minutes afore the hour, or 5 minutes afore, or even 3 minutes afore. you close on the hour. Dont be lazy. Jesus knows when you are being lazy. Dont piss off jesus or [company figurehead], eitherway smiting will be forthwith.

Finally, what would your mother say if she saw the condition of that cold table? She didnt raise you to live in filth. she works her fingers to the bone trying to make things nice for you and all she asks is that you keep your coldtable clean. Is that too much for a mother to ask? IS IT!?

In conclusion, suck less at sammiches.

Dani pretending to be Indie Jake

Somehow I don't think I'm helping very much.

...as Dahling would legitimately say, I give good letter. She really needs to stop saying that.


  1. you do give good letter! back at my first job out of college, i had to answer phones all day long. i was told by one customer that i "gave good phone."

  2. Oh it gets on my nerves so bad when stores close early. Especially when I'm hungry and really want that food. I'm getting angry all over again. Mama's Pizza Buffet is so about to get a letter from me.