Tuesday, August 4, 2009

We are "pick-up bed swimming pool" classy...


Now that I’m on this whole “maybe I’ll blog about things that happen to me in my life more often” kick, it occurs to me that, in an effort to prevent my nearest and dearest from being irreversibly tied to my ramblings, I have been being painfully vague (maybe not painful to you, but let me assure you, I have been making several visits to my Primary Care Physician- Dr. 2Advilandabeer). As such, I do believe it is time for y’all to meet two new characters, one of whom I’m sure will forgive me for unmasking him and the other can’t read: Johnny and Dumbdog. (If you read my 20sb Blog Swap post over at GenPink, you have already met them as Owner and Puppy.)

On Mondays, Johnny and I usually engage in some highbrow activity, such as putting away a 6-pack and watching Dumbdog attempt to eat fireflies, but yesterday we decided that such pursuits could be postponed in favor of a deliciously more redneck activity…the New Jersey State Fair Demolition Derby.

Johnny’s co-worker had a car in the 4-cylinder class (complete with rebel flag painted on the hood), but really, we might have gone anyway, because really, how can you not? The vestiges of southwestern Virginia in me were tingling with anticipation.

And I was not disappointed, because only at such a terribly classy place can you see:

~A port-a-john that is “reserved for box seat holders” and locked to show they mean business.

~Deep-fried pickles

~A vendor selling “fiery nuts” (We went for the non-fiery nuts because molten sugar burns are no fun at all…and they were delicious.)

~17 compact cars from the late 80s and early 90s, driving into each other until all but one of them are immobilized. (Ok, maybe you can see this on the Parkway too)

and most importantly…

~The king of all mullets. It had to have been at least as long as my hair (see previous post) and it was not so much “business in the front, party in the back” as “questionable trade on craigslist in the front, getting drunk with your buddies on your lawn in the back”. I was genuinely bummed that the camera on my cell phone is broken so I could not capture the magic.

On the drive up to the fair grounds I also found out that, after being out of Virginia for 2 years, I can no longer tell what animal the fertilizer in a field came from by the smell.

...and that makes me sad.


  1. There was a Demolition Derby at our local county fair every summer. You weren't having a good time until you got sprayed with mud while drinking a Bud, baby.

    Also, deep fried pickles are one of the most amazing creations ever. Right up there with toilet paper and electricity.

  2. dont make fun of the redneck swimming pool, i wouldve been in one a couple weeks ago had it not started raining.

  3. Miss Yvonne: I didn't actually eat a deep-fried pickle, but the normal kind are tasty, and if experience tells me anything, it is that deep frying is usually a fantastic idea. Have to try one next time.

    Johnny: I wasn't making fun! You own a pickup. I think I have a tarp. Let's make that shit happen.