For anyone out there who is thoroughly bored with my slightly more frequent than usual ventures into discussion of singledom, you might want to go off and read something else. Or maybe you don’t because you can laugh at me.
Last weekend I found myself in the kitchen a house that belongs to a dear friend of mine’s parents, eating shepherd’s pie, waiting for the rest of our friends to show up and just generally shooting the shit. She lives a bit of a ways away and gives new meaning to the word busy, so it is infrequent that we get to just sit around and chat. Since she too (as far as I know at the time I am typing this) is sans-mans, we eventually got around to discussing the fish in the sea. (For those of you who have ever actually heard she and I talk, and as such are going “Yeah, you two would totally talk about fish”, that is true. We would talk about actual fish in the actual sea, but these were metaphorical fish. Metaphorical man-fish.)
As is both wont and dangerous to happen, this conversation got me thinking, and from the bubbling mess that is my end of semester brain was born what I am distastefully referring to as Sign Theory.
Pretty much, the idea is that every person on the market has a bright, neon sign above their head with the name of a group. Usually a group that isn’t exactly their cup of tea. Members of that group will see the sign and follow it like some dating magi. And they will hit on that person.
My friend’s sign says “over 35”, which now-a-days isn’t so much of a problem (only about a decade difference), but her sign has always said that, even when we were 16.
Signs are most assuredly not exclusively for women either. In expressing my theory to a male friend the other night, we deduced that his sign says “genuinely certifiable”. Unfortunately, it is sometime hard to spot members of his group so we figured out what it was by examining a series of his ex-girlfriends. This is why it pays to know your sign, kids. You can be on the lookout.
...and here you all probably thought I was going to tell you what mine says. Yeah, right.